Almost home....

Tongiht is my last night in Chennai...it is hard to believe that I will see Matt in less than 30 hours. Woo hoo!

It has been a tumultuous last few days, full of marathon-length meetings and some tension but luckily it is all over. Hopefully things will progress more smoothly when I am back here in August.

I am actually looking forward to the flight. I love flying! And so far, I love British Airways. I will be in heaven if I get upgraded again, but I am not holding my breath...

The last days of a long trip like this are always sort of surreal...like you can't belive you will actually be home and you can't really pay attention to anything going on cause there is this anticipation that infiltrates everything you are doing. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I didn't have Matt...maybe I wouldn't care as much about heading home?

Still in the Roach Motel

Lunch with the Bedroc employees, and the new foreigner in town, Jan.



This is a picture of me on the roof of the Bedroc office in my salwar kameez. I think I could not possibly wear anything more unflattering! But I guess that is the point...it hides your shape. The pants underneath the top are gigantic...it feels like there are yards of fabric gathered at my waist.


Last night, just as I was about to go to sleep, I saw another huge cockroach in the bathroom. I was sad, because I had basically forgotten about the cockroach issue and then I was reminded of it right before I went to sleep. So, I slept another night with the lights on and am exhausted today. Oh well, only one more night nthe motel and then I head back to Chennai for more meetings...then back to Home, Sweet Home! When I come back to Nagapattinam in August I am definitely bringing my own roach spray. Unfortunately, this hotel is the nicest one in town...so there aren't any other options!

So much for the clean room...

The Bedroc Office in Nagapattinam


I am not back in Nagapattinam after a short trip to Chennai and Pondicherry. I feel strangely comfortable and happy to be back! My room at the Hotel Seahorse is much nicer that the one I had been living in for the weeks before I left for Chennai. It -- gasp! -- actually has a window! Also, it is much cleaner and is not damp at all. I was so happy! Why didn't they give me this room before?

Also, there is another foreigner here now. She is staying in my hotel, and is working on her PhD thesis. She is from England, but lived in Sri Lanka for 2 years prior to moving back to England. Yay! I am so happy! We had dinner last night and it was nice to be able to chat with someone. She was like, "I haven't seen another foreigner for the past three days." I was like, "Ya, I didn't see a foreign for the entire 3 weeks I was here before you got here!"

She is in a room without windows, and she wanted to see mine so she could decide if she would switch rooms. We walked in, and a huge cockroach scurried across my bed...so much for the illusion of staying in a clean room! I slept with the lights on because I had heard that roaches don't come out if it is light. I thought of changing rooms, but I figured if the roaches are in my second story room, they are probably in all the rooms. The hotel did agree to change my sheets...it was hilarious...the young Indian boy spent about 30 minutes putting the sheet on my bed, trying to make sure it was perfectly tucked and there were no wrinkles in it. I was like, this is a great effort on your part, but I am sure the roaches will be back no matter how neatly the bed is made! Then, he finished it off by dramatically spraying the whole room (including the bed!) with roach spray. It was comical.

Another sad part of this story...a cute little baby gecko was killed by the roach spray. I was sad, cause geckos are cute and they eat flying bugs. This poor little thing was having convulsions on the carpet before finally dying.

At first I was sad that a cockroach was in my bed...but then I remembered when I was travelling with Sarah in Rajasthan...We were on a camel safari to the sand dunes in the desert, and we were camping under the stars. The operator assured us that blankets and bedding were included. He didn't mention that that meant the blankets that were on the camel underneath the saddle! Not only were there fleas and whatever other bugs and camel sweat in the blankets, but there were also giant desert beetles that kept crawling in the blankets. I thought I would never sleep through the night, but I did, miraculously. So, the memory of that night made me realize that seeing one cockroach in your bed is no big deal. And if anyone has any comments about how gross cockroaches are, DO NOT post those comments to this blog or by email because I have to sleep in the same bed for the rest of the week!

Papaya Madness

I have been completely addicted to papaya...I don't know why, but I am loving it and craving it. There is a fruit stand outside my hotel that sells cut fruit. I have been ordering fruit bowls with "Papadi Only"...Anyway, I guess the nice man at the fruit stand decided that I need to branch out, so last night he kept insisting that I eat samples of all the other types of fruit. He was such a nice man!

Weekend in Pondicherry, continued

Other than the Sri Aurobindo group (which dominates Pondicherry), this town is full of French people. The first morning I was here, I ate breakfast at a little cafe. The only other people in the cafe were speaking French. They were sitting at their own table, and were a very eclectic, "cool" group. There was an older French guy with silver hair in a tight tank top; a young, chic blonde girl in a black dress; an older French lady; a very classy looking older Indian woman; and an older Indian man with shoulder-length grey hair, dressed in a tight white tank top and white, flowing linen pants. They were all smoking, drinking coffee and laughing...I was like, wow, this is definitely different than Nagapattinam!

Actually, this is the first place I have been to in India where I feel like I would be better off knowing French than English. I walked into a corner market and wanted to know the price of a roll of toilet paper. I asked the women in English while pointing to what I wanted. She said, " Trent-cinq". My french is rusty, so I wanted to double check. "Thirty five?" (Yes, I realize she didn't speak English...I just said it, ok!) She said, slower and louder, "Trent...Cinq". I said, in a worried voice, "Thirty five?" She said, "TRENT.......CINQ". She wasn't angry, she just couldn't believe my stupidity! Anyway, this is definitely a side of India I have never seen before!

The good thing about the French influence is all the food...there is lots of french food around, and salads and delicious things like that. It is expensive, though...and there are lots of expensive art galleries and furniture shops around...but even with all of this, it is still, unmistakeably India.

It has been nice while it lasted, but I am actually happy to get back to my Idlis and dosa. I like Indian food much more than French food!

Weekend in Pondicherry

I decided to give myself a mini vacation and stop in Pondicherry on the way from Chennai to Nagapattinam. It is nice here: I can walk through the streets (no highway right outside my hotel!), the coast is scenic, and there is lots of French food.

The first night, I arrived after dark, which was unfortunate considering that I was by myself and had never been to Pondicherry. I found a room with a balcony overlooking the boardwalk. It was nice, but they only had one night available. I was happy to move, though, cause in the balcony next to mine were a group of 5 Indian teenage boys. They were smoking and drinking and if I was on my balcony they wanted to make conversation...and I really wasn't interested in chatting with them...so the next day I checked a few hotels and ended up moving into an ashram. It is part of the Sri Aurobindo Ashram, and it is really nice. My new room also overlooks the ocean and is half the price. You have to follow the rules, though, which is easy for me because I follow them anyway. You can't drink or smoke and have to be back in the ashram grounds by 10:30. Easy!

I was wondering if anyone would talk to me about their spiritual ideas, and this morning they did...this very nice Indian man started to talking to me and explaingig their beliefs. It was interesting, and I think these people are very nice.

Meetings in Chennai

After a long (8 hours!), bumpy, hot drive from Nagapatinam, we arrived in Chennai. We stayed at the YWCA, and it was nice...my room even had windows, woo hoo! There were a ton of foreigners there, including a big group of American teenagers. I think they were part of a church group or something. One good thing about the YWCA is the delicious juice stand down the street...yummy! I have been addicted to papaya juice for the last week or so...

We had meetings with Oxfam on Thursday and with our implementation group on Friday. It was so great to see people from Oxfam Boston. I was talking to the person that arranged for me to come to Tamil Nadu, and it turns out that he and his wife used to live in Hanoi and they visited Hong Kong often because it is such a short flight. So, we were reminiscing about restaurants in Vietnam and Hong Kong, and it was great. Even though I talk to Matt every night, it got sort of lonely being down in the village, basically by myself.

The next day we had meetings with the implementation team, and things look like they are finally gettng started. Hallelujah! I am learning a lot about trying to plan a project in collaboration with many different people...it is slow...and then when you add in the cultural differences and miscommunications, it moves at a glacial speed! So, it turns out that basically I will not be doing anything until NEXT Saturday, when I am working with another team member to create the quantitative questionairre. So, now that I know I will basically have nothing to do in the village for the next week...I am getting antsy! Luckily I talk to Matt everyday and have internet access.

Back to the City!

Yesterday, these carts came rolling down the street with huge loads of hay on them (I think it was hay...). They are actually pretty common, but I have never gotten a picture before, and I am always amazed at how they can pile such a huge load on them.


Today I am headed up to Chennai with the director of the local NGO to meet with Oxfam and with the local NGOs that she has contracted lots of the work out to. It will be interesting to be back in a city again! After that, I am headed to Pondicherry for the weekend. I am very excited! It is supposed to be a beautiful city. It used to be a French colony so the French influences are still there, and lots of French people still live there. The food is supposed to be amazing, which will be very exciting after the gross food at my hotel! Also, I am sort of hoping that there will be a few English speakers there so I can stop annoying Matt by talking his ear off when he calls me.

Slow Progress

Progress on my project has been slow. I think the local NGO is slightly confused about why I am here, and they are not quite sure what to do with me. I am also confused, because Oxfam in Boston made it sound like it was urgent for me to be here. Now I am here, and there is not much for me to do. I have been visiting villages and talking to people, which is fun, but not exactly what I was sent here to do. It seems that the local NGO has contracted out much of the work to other local NGOs (I guess foreign funding allows you to do that!) and I am not sure exaclty what my role will be. I am actually fine with this...more time to relax, especially after such a stressful year and my work last summer was extremely stressful. I have a vague guilty feeling though...why did Oxfam go to such lengths to make it possible to be here? Why did they want to pay to fly me here on two separate trips? I feel that the work I am doing doesn't exactly warrant all f that expense. Oh well! I am just going with the flow.

So, after a long hot day of sitting in the non-air conditioned office, I walked down to the town. I have found one indoor shop there that has baked goods and fresh fruit juice and cold drinks. So, I like to walk down there, sit under the fan, order a freshly made drink of fruit juice and a cold club soda, and read one of the magazines that I brought. The owners are nice and they have gtten used to me now. On the way home, all of the school children were walking home from school. They are so cute! The uniform includes pig tail braids tied into a loop. Adorable. The girls in the top picture in blue were fascinated by me...one of the them was mentally disabled and she was not able to conceal her curiosity like the other kids...so I took a picture and they seemed happy about that. Also, when the school kids are out (or any time for that matter!) I am followed by a chorus of hellos..."Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! Hi! Hi, Ma'am! Hello! Hi!" I try to answer all of them, but of course it s imppossible.

At the juice shop, two young girls sat down next to me. They were giggling and peaking at me, because obviously, everything I do (including sitting down and reading) is totally hilarious...at least when I am in India! One of them reminded ome of my sister Maya because they are about the same age...and I started to miss my sisters alot!

Bus Ride to Nagapattinam

On the way back from Vailankanni, I had a really hard time getting on a bus back to Nagapattinam. When a bus came, and huge crowd would push and fight and yell and scream, trying to force their way onto the bus. They wouldn't even wait for the people that were on the bus to get off. I think people were even climbing over eachother and trying to climb in through the windows, which had bars on them instead of glass! So, I tried to get on 4 buses and was about to give up...I was considering my options: Should I take an autorickshaw all the way home? Did I want to deal with bargaining? Were there any private buses available at a different location?

So I was standing there, and I here the word "foreigner" coming from a bus, and an older woman turned around and said, "Do you need to get on the bus?" in English. I said yes, and I ended up following her onto the bus where her son had fought to save a seat for both of us. It was such a relief, because I think I never would have gotten onto a bus otherwise. Once you fought you way onto the bus, people had reserved seats for their friends. I even witnessed a fight over a seat between two ladies, and the whole bus was getting involved.

Anyway, it turns out that this lady had just come from a Catholic retreat center called the Divine Life Center, or something like that. We chatted, and it was nice to speak English with someone! It turns out that she volunteers for an NGO in Karnataka (a state in India) and works through Anganwadi Centers (state-run health centers in villages) to educate rural women on the importance of nutrition and things like that. So, her work is very similar to what I did last summer in Rajasthan.

I felt so happy to meet this woman and her son...and they even paid for my bus ticket, although I tried to pay for it myself.

I have a video that shows the craziness of the bus, but I am having trouble uploading it...I will have to upload it when I get home.

I was by myself, so this is how I managed to get a picture of myself in front of the church. (I know I am just being paranoid, but I didn't really feel like I wanted to hand over my camera to anyone to get a picture of myself...)



I had the day off on Sunday, so I decided to visit the closest "attraction" to Nagapattinam. There is a huge catholic church about 11 km away from the town I am in that people from all over India make pilgramages to. The people at Bedroc told me to take the bus there, and boy was that an adventure considering that I don't speak any Tamil yet! Making it to Vailankanni was easy, but making it back to Nagapattinam was a whole different story...

The church was nice, although not like the churches I have seen in the US or Europe. It is definitely more brightly colored that I am used to seeing Catholic churches. People come to Vailankanni for the purpose of praying for babies....a women in Chennai told me that 3 miracles had occurred for her as a result of visiting Vailankanni. So, I gave it a shot...I guess we'll see if a baby comes along in the near future!

Because of all of the visitors, Vailankanni had a lot of stuff for sale, and a lot of beggars. It cause the dilemma that I have every time I come to India. To give to beggars or not to give? Most people say that you shouldn't give to beggars, but instead you should contribute to charitable organizations. Well, that is easy to say but it is pretty hard to walk by pitiful beggars with ample money in your pocket. The guilt is intense...but being alone, and not speaking Tamil, and the fact that there were so many beggars around me...I felt it was safer to not give. They were fairly aggressive, and did the whole grabbing on to your sleeve or pant hem thing...When I got back to Nagapattinam I realized how pleasant it was that no beggars were around. (That sounds terrible, but they do cause mental anguish for me! I am never sure how to react.)

I treated myself to eating at an air conditioned restaurant, the only one in town. Yay! I walked quite far to get to it, but I figured that it was Sunday and I should treat myself. Of course, I was walking by beggars to get there, and internally berrating myself for walking far to treat myself to the luxury of AC while I was ignoring all of these people...

And this is it...Nagapattinam

These are my two photos of Nagapattinam...maybe the only two that I will take. It is a small place. After going to Vailankanni this Sunday, I now appreciate the smallness...it is relatively calm and there are no beggars.

Dalit Village

After the fisherfolk community, we went to a Dalit (untouchable) community. The kids were so cute, they all wanted their photo taken! After the tsunami, all of the homes in the dalit community were destroyed. With Oxfam money, a local NGO rebuilt all of their houses, and the dalits are very happy. Their homes before were thatched huts with dirt floors. Now their homes are made out of concrete and have fans and water from a tap. The dalits got to choose between several types of houses, and the type of house they chose was built. I was invited into one of the homes, and the concrete structure and the fan did a nice job of keeping the house cool. One thing I think the homes are missing is some shady areas, because the homes are basically concrete cubes. Some of the villagers took matters into their own hands and added thatched "awnings" to their homes...very smart!




The houses behind are what the NGO built, and the thatched structures in front are what the old homes looked like.

Our Car

This is the car we are driving around for hours in...there is no AC and we are driving on these rural roads for hours in 104 degree weather...let's just say that it is HOT! By the end of the day, I feel slightly dizzy and my head hurts...but I still have a lot of fun in the villages so that makes it worth it.

Yesterday I had my second trip to the field, this time to visit the fisherman communities. In this area of India, the "fisherfolk" are the most well-off communities because they make alot of money (comparatively) by catching fish and crab. They were very welcoming and it was nice to be by the ocean. We had to cross a river to get to the sea...on the way back we caught a ride with 2 old guys in their "Kattamaram" (yes, the spelling is correct...this is what they callit in Tamil)...it was very genrous of them ot offer us a ride but I was scared!! Their boat was basically 4 planks tied together. With their weight and my weight and Priya's weight, water was filling the center of the boat! We made it across, and it was probably the highlight of my day.



This is a picture of the boat with the old guys. I would have liked to have taken a picture of them up close while they were repairing their nets, but I wasn't sure if it would be rude to do that. Last summer I had many more photo-taking opportunities because we would basically sit in the villages forupwards of 8 hours...so the villagers would get used to my presence and I could take photos.

You never know what's coming down the road....

One of the things I love about India is that you just never know what is coming next...I think I mentioned that my hotel is diectly on a highway, and that makes it difficult to walk anywhere or be outside. I decided to give it another try last night, and look what was on the road! I have no idea what these giant, mirror laden structures were for. I am pretty sure it wasn't for a wedding, because I have sen wedding processions and they don't look like this. I think it was some sort of religious procession. (Anybody know why June 5 is special? I don't.) People were lining the streets to watch the procession...and when people realized I as there, there was a lot of pointing in my direction!

First day in the field

Our host in the village, Meagan, and Bedroc employee Priya. Look at all of the food we were given!




I am not going to sugar-coat it...my hotel is not very good! Believe me, I am not a stickler for cleanliness. The problem is that my room has no windows and is damp...so there are little flying bug things. After coming home from the office, I tried to take a walk to explore what is around my hotel. This was a bad idea...my hotel is basically on the side of a highway! I walfed for about ten minutes, but I feared for my life every second of the ten minutes. If you have ever been on an Indian rural highway, you know that there are trucks, cars, bicycles, goats, cows, kids, motor cycles, woman carrying giant loads on their heads....this is not what bothers me. What bothers me is that the cars speed along, weaving in and out of the various obstacles in the road. No one pays attentions to lanes, so cars sometimes play "chicken", and the loser has to stop or swerve to the side. This chaos, plus the fact that there is basically no shoulder on the road, makes it a firghtening experience to walk on! So, I feel slightly trapped in my windowless, damp hotel room. Also, I am using a large dupitta (scarf thing) as a blanket. When I go to Chennai I am going to buy some sheets or a light blanket, and this will help. Also, as I mentioned before, the food is bad.

Today I went out into a village of dalits (untouchables) and backward castes (their name, not mine!). It was so much fun, and people were so friendly, I remembered why I love coming here! Everyone was so hospitable. We were offered a drink or food by everyone we spoke with. They seemed eager to talk about what they have been doing since the tsunami, and their big smiles were so welcoming. We also visited a women's cooperative, which was set up by an Indian NGO to help the women have an alternative income other than agricultural labor. They made baskets (I bought one!), potato chips, cashew juice (very sweet but good), and detergent soap. It is a completely sustainable project, as the NGO is long gone but the work still continues. You really coudln't turn around without running into the work of another NGO. This is great...the money that people donated to the tsunami relief effort contributed to the long term development of this area, not just with rebuilding after the tsunami. The village had a library, numerous pre-schools and after school programs.

While I am so happy about all of the wonderful things here in Tamil Nadu, I can't help but compare it to my experiences last summer in Rajasthan. Rajasthan is definitely less developed. The houses that the Brahmins (a high caste) in Rajasthan lived in were significatly worse than the homes of the dalits in Tamil Nadu. So what does this say about the Dalits in Rajasthan? Maybe Rajasthan would be better off if a tsunami hit it (very unlikely in a land-locked desert state!) -- then money and attention would be focused on this area as well.

Nagapattinam

I finally made it down to the village I will be living in....although technically, Nagapattinam is a city, it is pretty small and rustic. The drive down from Chennai took about 8 hours and was very slow going...the road was only one lane at some points and we had to drive through many tiny markets along the way. It was very pretty, because the road hugged the coast for most of the way down.

I drove with the director of Bedroc, a local Indian NGO. Annie was so nice, funny and fun to talk to. I hope I didn't annoy her by chatting too much! I hadn't really talked to anyone (aside from samll talk with vendors and waiters) for 4 days! I think her and I have a lot in common, so it will be nice to work with her.

My hotel in Nagapattinam is very, VERY basic. I am so happy that I brought my own electric kettle...then at least I can have tea and instant oatmeal whenever I want. It is sad, because I love Indian food, and love street food and all types of regional cuisine, but the food at the hotel is subpar. I haven't explored the area yet but hopefully there will be some other eating options nearby.

I took the picture above on the way down to Nagapattinam. We had stopped at a tea stall for a snack, and afterwards we stood in line for the bathroom. I took the picture while I was waiting in line...the woman looked so peaceful and absorbed in her work of separating leaves from branches (I am not sure why she was doing this). The sun was shining down and it looked beautiful, but the photo doesn't really capture the full effect.

Right now I am sitting in the Bedroc office. I start field visits tomorrow, but today I am supposed to be doing background reading...which I already did most of on the plane and in Boston...so I have some free time on my hands. I am sitting here sweating in a very hot room, but I am grateful for the internet access!

First Day at Work

My Hotel in Chennai

Today I met the people that I will be working with in Tamil Nadu. Basically, Oxfam America in Boston sent me over (unpaid but with all expenses paid by a grant plus a stipend form OA because I am still only a student) to help with the research methods and survey design on a study of the tsunami recovery in this area and how local communities can increase their resilience to disaster.

I will be based in Nagapattinam, which is the city that was hardest hit by the tsunami and the location of Oxfam's local partner organization, Bedroc. I am slightly nervous about heading down to Nagapattinam. I have heard from various people within Oxfam and Indians have met here that Nagapattinam is "nothing much", "a shit hole", "not much", and "nothing there". So, I am, um, excited but nervous. I stayed in places like this last summer but I had my research team with me...so, I had two friends with me at all times. This summer I will be alone (aside from the people at work and in the village)...and no city to divert my attention. This could be good for me, or it could just be lonely. I have no idea what type of internat access I will have.

I was supposed to take the 7 hour bus ride down to Nagapattinam today, but Annie, the head of Bedroc, decided to stay another night in Chennai and didn't tell me until 4:30 pm! I had already checked out of my hotel, but thank goodness they still had rooms available. The Oxfam person was like "It is probably for the best, there is nothing much there." Hmmmmm....I am interested to see what this "nothing much" looks like.

As I got in the taxi to go back to my hotel, there was a very disturbing gentleman outside. He was stunted...he kust have been less than 4 feet tall. He was skinny, even for his height, and he had a giant head and giant, red rimmed eyes. But, he was dressed in clean clothes and didn't look like a beggar. He was standing in the middle of the road staring at me, and he seemed out of it, like he was in a daze. He stared at me the whole time we were standing there, and sort of moved closer to stand near me. It was strange. He didn't beg or make any expression, and he didn't look like one of the priests that walk around. I couldn't stop thinking about him later: What must his life have been like? He must have either had long term undernutrition or some sort of disease. But he had clean, nice looking clothes on. Is he a domestic worker that was mistreated? It is so sad. I mean, you see lots of sad cases in India, but this one seemed unusual and I guess that is why it sticks in my head. And it was ironic....there we were, working at Oxfam trying to "help" people and there is a starving guy right outside our door. And when we stood out there, all of us ignored him. I guess that is the line you have to walk when you are in India...you can't get caught up in each and every person, because if you did it would be overwhelming and impossible.

On a more cheerful note, there are lots of catholic churches down here. There is one on the street of my hotel. I didn't realize it was a catholic church for a while, because it looks like a Hundu temple to me...the insie is very brightly colored and decorated with lots of red and gold and garlands. On closer inspection, I realized it was catholic. Here are some pics:

Yoga in Chennai

Ok, I know, I am posting a picture of my lunch for the second day in a row....but this lunch was really interesting! In the morning, I went to a yoga class at Cholayil Sanjeevanam...they told me it was ashtanga yoga, but when I asked them about Pattabhi Jois, they did not know who it was....so I knew it wouldn't be the ashtanga that I practice. It was different, slower than usual, but I liked it and I am going back tomorrow. We only got through about 5 asanas! And the surya namaskar that they practice is completely different than what I am used to. But, the teacher was nice and it was good o get a different perspective on things. The teacher and the other student were both very interested in my sticky mat...I think maybe I should bring some extra ones next time and give it to them as a gift...they really are convenient because you don't slide around.

Below the yoga hall, there is a vegetarian restaurant. They serve a special meal at lunch called "rajakeeyam" that must be eaten in a certain order to ensure that all of the vitamins and minerals are absorbed properly. It contained lots of interesting vegetable concoctions and juices, so I was excited to try it...it seemed sort of like a chef's tasting menu or something. Then, the waiter explained the meal to me and proudly stated that the meal contained "1,000 calories of optimal nutrition". I was momentarily horrified, but decided to proceed with the meal anyway.





The meal started with 2 slices of banana with shredded raw coconut. Then, 5 shot glasses of juice had to be consumed in order: date juice, pistachio (?) milk, vegetable juice, buttermilk, and bran rice milk.



Then, they scooped a row of raw vegetable salads onto my banana leaf that had to be eaten in order. Then, a row of semi-cooked vegetables and a row of cooked vegetables.



Then came brown rice with dahl and white rice with sambar, buttermilk and curd. After that was an excruciatingly sweet and thick "soup". I decided that this is where most of the 1,000 calories were from and only ate a little...I think it was 90% ghee! After that, the server came around with a bowl of honey, which he scooped into my hand. I think I was supposed to lick it off, but it was way too much plain honey for me so a lot of it went onto the napkin...the next table was staring at me...I am sure they thought I was very strange!