I stayed in San Diego for three weeks, which is a lot longer than I usually do. I think it was an important visit because Mom and I got to bond alot. Rohit and the two oldest girls were gone for a week and the house was a little bit more quiet than usual, so we got a chance to talk and be relaxed. (or as relaxed as you can be with all the little kids around...) Also, I got a chance to see what it is like to lead her life. It is a LOT of work. I am scared OUT OF MY MIND for the day that I have kids. I know that I want kids but I am afraid, I mean really
afraid. When I think about the fact that I could potentially have a baby in the next five years (and more than likely will) it gives me that feeling like you get right before you ride a really scary roller coaster. When you get in line with the intention of going on the ride, you don't really think about how scary it is because you have at least an hour or so to stand in line, then you start getting more anxious as you start getting to the front of the line, and then when you are at the front of the line the fear, racing pulse and dry mouth starts to set in. I am at the point in line where my friends are just getting strapped in and hurtled into parenthood...I am afraid! I love my life! I know that with each passing year I get more and more selfish and accustomed to doing what I want, when I want. Maybe in a few years I will feel differently. It seems like yesterday Matt and I started dating, and now it has been 5 years! It went by in a blink.
So, I feel that I have a new closeness with Mom and I am very grateful for that. Also, I got a chance to go out to lunch with Grandpa. He took me to the deli that is in the building where he used to work. He knew everyone behind the counter, and had known them for years. He even buses his own table and goes behind the counter to put the dishes away! He told me that he usually goes back and gets drink refills himself too! The food was delicious and it was interesting talking with Grandpa and hearing about his childhood and his travels. I had never been out to lunch with him on my own so it was a unique and memorable experience! I wish I had brought my camera that day but unfortunately I didn't.
I am really glad that I spent some time in San Diego this summer. I think it was a healing trip and it provided me with some closure. I went through the hardest time of my life in San Diego when Dad died, and it was nice to have a chance to go back to San Diego and a have a good experience. That way I don't associate San Diego with pain, misery and grief for my whole life!
The Mahajan Family
Maya and Mom
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