Meagan's World: Kidnapping Chinese Babies and Crying on the Treadmill

Mom knew that I had been missing home, so she sent me some pictures of the girls. They are so gorgeously cute and full of life!! How is that supposed to make me not homesick!! Of course, I am glad to see pictures of their life, they are getting so old! By the time I get back to the US they may be fully grown. How sad. I am missing it! Right before Mom sent me these pictures, I had pretty much decided that little Chinese girls were the cutest things on earth. At lunch one day, there was a girl at the table next to us, and I wanted to take her home with me so badly! I was ready to go down to Guanzhou to adopt my own Chinese baby girl. Plus, the 12 year old Chinese girls that I teach on Sunday mornings are absolutely wonderful. Then I checked my email and saw the pictures of the girls, and all thoughts of little Chinese babies were out of my mind. Haha! I may be biased, but my sisters are definitely the cutest. The only thing that was missing was a picture of Maya, but I guess she is almost a teenager now and may be camera shy?

(I solemnly swear that when I have my own children, I will not gush and brag about how cute they are. Only big sisters and grandmas have the right to brag about cute kids.)

Mom also sent me pictures from a Thanksgiving a few years ago. At first I thought, "Oh, what a happy family we are!" Then I thought, "Oh, that poor Young Meagan. She has NO IDEA what is in store for her." I guess when Dad died it really scarred me cause whenever I think of myself and things that happened before April 5, 2004, I think about how "Young Meagan" never knew what kind of pain I would go through in the future. "Young Meagan" is a completely different Meagan than the "Current Meagan". Young Meagan also didn't know that what good things were in store for her...For instance, I had absolutely no idea I would be living in Beijing and studying Mandarin.

Incidentally, I have been thinking a lot about Dad lately. I jut read "Lovely Bones", which was probably a mistake because it is about a girl who is killed and what her family goes through trying to deal with the grief. Of course, I thought of my own grief. The girl in the book sort of haunts the family, but in a good way, and through out the book I wished that Dad would haunt me. Also, the Cardigansjust came out with a new album, and it made me remember how much Dad loved their "First Band on the Moon" album, so I got it out and started listening to it. Then even more memories flooded back, like how he used to play that CD everyday in the car while he drove me to school in the morning. He went through music phases...After the Cardigans, he was obsessed with a certain Social Distortion album. I forget what it was called. I think the Cardigans remind me of Dad the most because it was funny that he liked them so much, it is such girlie music! I love it too. Then, I was on the treadmill last night and for some reason I remembered when Grandma called me and told me Dad had died. I started crying on the treadmill! Maybe he is haunting me. Actually, I think I am just so far from home that when I think of things about home and my Dad it seems incongruous and so somehow a lot more sad.